nothing to do, everything to be
on wanting so much and doing so little and the answers we kinda already know
1. i want to be more impatient
i think of inaction in my life. if only my actions could keep up with my mental check lists and plans and all the things i tell myself that i will do. soon, very soon1. level one of the justification for this inaction is perhaps being disheartened by everyone else2 and how they are smarter, richer, prettier, and just…more competent. level two is the good stuff. it’s when you realise those everyone else just has a greater bias for action. then you tell yourself that hey you’ve been depressed and chronically fatigued so you can’t just get up and do stuff. but if not, then what else?
nothing else, it seems.
impatience is the real virtue, not vice. moral science lessons had it wrong.
Many times, the most impactful things you can do for your career are free. It’s just a matter of not waiting. When you wait, you lose momentum. And momentum is incredibly powerful because when you’re inspired, you act—and you do it with enthusiasm. Honestly, being able to take advantage of inspiration when it strikes is one of the most satisfying feelings. You’re doing yourself a service by acting on your desires and dreams when it feels fun to do so.
2. the guidebook to doing all those things
you could run around like a headless chicken dabbling in the next exciting idea or you could try to find an anchor that guides you towards making choices. value system, or purpose, or meaning… what have you, it’s worth asking ourselves what that it. good ol’ Paul Graham never disappoints with his latest banger on answering that question.
CLICK HERE: What to Do by Paul Graham
3. but i am so tired all the time!!!
ok but for real. it’s just a lot sometimes y’know? for everyone. life gets overwhelming. is motivation still a thing? do people just drill ahead on sheer will power? i thought we debunked that in the 2000s. being ambitious is exhuasting3.
Sylvia Plath writes:
“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.”
seriously. i am horribly limited.
Life can feel unbearable when you don’t know what you want out of it or when you don't know which path is the right one for you. Yet, I’ve realized that I can’t do everything I want to do at the same time. So I decided to focus on one thing at a time.
the only solace, as ever, is that you’re not alone.
one of the only few things that work for me is reminding myself that i am not supposed to be juggling five different balls at the same time. i can drop two. it’s okay. i only need to juggle three balls in life at the same time. the balls are not made of glass. they will not break if you drop them. ho on ahead, drop two balls. it’s okay.
4. doing, stumbling, failing…living
i came across this essay some time back, and it has stayed with me. what a specific, true, and aha insight. i thought about the last time i was truly embarrassed. and i didn’t have too many real answers that would ‘count’. i’ve had a spate of rejections recently, which i guess border more on hurt than embarrassment. being rejected in love… being rejected by grad school scholarships… being rejected by the dude at the salon because my hair was too messy. ok maybe the third one counts.
The only way to live a life without embarrassment is to simply not care about your actions or how others perceive them, to always have your guard up and play your cards close to your chest. A life that sounds, frankly, terrible. Being cool and disinterested and unaffected by the world is a bleak existence, like living near a river that you never swim in. Of course, not all embarrassment feels worth it; some double texts get left on read and sometimes you wave at someone in a crowd who never ends up seeing you, but in many ways these are the only embarrassments that truly matter. These acts of earnestness that remain unrequited show us something sort of beautiful about ourselves.
truly a great essay! def read this, if you only pick one :)
5. the journey used to be more fun
can’t end without a little lament on consumption culture, tiktok-ification of our lives, and how globalisation means nothing is ‘personal’ anymore. if everyone is so obsessed with output and production, where is the time for the process anymore?
this is an uncomfortable read, for it questions our relevance, our skills, what AI will do in the next few years, and whether there is any virtue left in protecting the process anymore.
The speed of which things can now be created has reconfigured our focus from the process to instead consistent output, the expectation to always have something to show for oneself has restrained art and made the idea of being a “creative” something one reflexes to cringe at. There is no time to be original, as it would take years dedicated to learning, assimilating to a philosophy and eventually diverging from your previous paradigm in order to carve out your own. There is no time to study an art form, to submerge yourself in an archive; the search engine has eroded our skills at scavenging for information, through discographies, galleries, or libraries. Thus the part of the journey usually dedicated to development, intentional consumption and tangible engagement has been erased to make space and time for more aimless output.
i had to, since it’s what i’ve been humming throughout writing this post.
until next time & new reads!
🌻
~ rufus
says she after procrastinating on writing this post for over a week now. but hey, i did it. and that too without offering myself a sweet treat. #hustle
move over, gratitude journalling. let’s keep a log of all the failures we see of people around us. best grounding exercise!!!
this is why the trad-wife trend is resurging. i see it. the trophy house wives are onto something. the next wave of feminism is EXHAUSTED.