cynical love bug
on annoyed romanticism, and doing it for the plot
The last post was a month ago, which is the longest gap in my writings here. While on one hand I should celebrate that I’ve completed a year of this substack (ding ding dong!), I wish I didn’t fumble this close to the finish line (very reminiscent of the only 10k I ever attempted to run years ago…). Here we are, with low motivation, and high cynicism. But here we are.
1. big tragic temporary love
god’s strongest warriors are the chumps who fall in love knowing it’s temporary. what a delectable essay reminding you to please not let them weasel into your heart with a round trip pass. and don’t buy that wine because “it’s the kind you like”. and definitely don’t keep a toothbrush for them after the first date. or do exactly that. because you are indeed god’s strongest warrior1.
Don’t let him cook you pasta because he’s only 25% Italian, but also because you’ll break up a day later. Don’t hold his hand when he tells you he’s falling for you and that he needs time to think about everything. Don’t eat the dinner he’s cooked you as he tells you this news. Don’t open up a $9 bottle of his roommate’s Rosé and cuddle in his bedroom afterwards like everything is okay. Don’t get wine drunk together and talk about whether the 21st century will be more eventful than the 20th. Don’t cuddle. Stop kissing! Don’t let him hug you tightly under the covers when he jokes that his best trait is emotional maturity and consistency for the girl he’s falling for.
2. the dating formula is broken
absolutely no one who is single knows what the formula to dating is and those who are not single are the downright worst people to give any advice on the dating formula these days and therefore we are in a parody of an existence where we are building the runway as we fly along the plane. this woman’s essay is a noble endeavour and a sharp reckoning to anyone who dares to cross over the “dating apps suck” line into the good old-fashioned way2.
my personal fav: reading at the bar. yes, it does work. no, not for what you intended.
3. being normal becomes unhinged
i need to print this out and stand at a busy street corner and hand it out to everyone passing by like i’m distributing lady whistledown’s latest. hot: chewing with your mouth closed. also hot: asking someone a question and then ACTUALLY listening. not: “what do you do for work?”. no one cares. get a hobby. also not: airpods. burn them. people who bump into you on the street because they’re head down zombie walking need to be incarcerated. new dream job: warden at digital detention centre.
4. but does the love ever die
my favorite joke (which obviously makes it funny) is that i’m friends with all my exes but none of them are friends with me3. which is all to say that unloving someone can be a rather complicated thing and perhaps the trick is not in witholding or extinguishing the love, but in morhping the love into manageable affection that no longer holds power over anything. or not, because wouldn’t you know how to beautifully lie to yourself if you were still holding onto hope?
“to unlove someone is to survive them gracefully.” that sounded unrealistic then, but now it feels practical. surviving gracefully means not weaponising memory, not clinging to pain to prove how deeply you loved. to me, it means accepting that loving someone does not mean they must or should love you the same way. it also means choosing dignity over the drama of needing someone to validate your worth. It also means accepting that you may always carry a small, polite affection for a person, but that affection no longer control your days or allows you to make stupid decisions.
5. in support of “do it for the plot”
today, we will use Rumi to make a case for feeling all the feelings and traversing the whole spectrum of fear joy love shame sadness anger drama in some “whatever happens happens for a reason” mood. stay strong out there.
![r/Poetry - [POEM] The Guest House by Jalaluddin Rumi](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!z5hP!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fa9776b95-274c-4bbe-b9bb-5bd308fd9d3e_480x497.png "r/Poetry - [POEM] The Guest House by Jalaluddin Rumi")
Things that make me happy:
Alcaraz completing his career slam and tennis being in the hands of the best stewards / rivals. A phenomenal theatre production of American Psycho. Learning how to do a push up. New local library membership. White chocolate and raspberry muffin from UCL’s Print Room Café. Connor Storrie’s ass. Co-working at a pub instead of a coffee shop. Dry shampoo. Walking book clubs.
Things that make me not happy:
Ten days of nonstop rain and grey. Only being able to do negative push ups. A situationship telling me “we don’t know each other well enough for insta”. Baked beans on toast. The rupee-pound exchange rate. Counsellors pushing anti-depressants.
until next time & new reads!
🌻
~ rufus
unfortunately this is not a volunteering position. pls don’t sign up.
i’ve made multiple round trips to and fro and to and fro and i have finally rested on “leave me alone”. 1/10 recommend.
may this substack never become popular so i can continue writing in the delusion that none of my exes will ever read these.
simple magic! 🌟
Super fun read!